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Breaking Up With Valentine's Day

Sickly sweet declarations of adoration, red, pink, hearts, roses, glittering unicorns promising undying and endless love, it’s TOO much! Valentines day can be a difficult day, especially when you are going through a divorce or separation. It’s hard to ignore with all the reminders being rammed down your throat, but remember it’s just one day. Many couples will be force feeding the shiny red sentiment and feeling uncomfortable about it. Have you been out for dinner on Valentine’s day previously? Every table set for 2, a set menu with an inflated price and couples sat there, looking for things to say to each other, when really, they’d rather be on their phones but don’t want to be “that couple”. It isn’t a bed of roses even if you’re happy.

The reality is the day might intensify some tough emotions, heartbreak, betrayal, loneliness or fear of the future. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself and spend some time with these uncomfortable thoughts. A natural reaction might be to stuff them down by necking plenty of booze and hitting the snack cupboard, then passing out of the sofa watching Sex and the City and dragging yourself to bed at 2am. The result? You feel dreadful the next day, physically and mentally, a manufactured day has “won”, you gave it the power it was seeking. Don’t let it win, don’t succumb to short term solutions that actually only lead to more problems. Feeling these big emotions is normal, the more time you can sit with them the less scary they feel. What is really coming up for you? What needs to be your priority and focus going forwards? What do you want more of in your life? Start a gratitude list, what are you grateful for? Try and commit to adding to it regularly and looking at it daily. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to controlling negative emotions.

If you don’t want to spend the day or evening alone then pick your company wisely. Now is probably not the time for a blind date or hanging out with other haters. Make sure you are around people who fill you up, not those who drag you down. You don’t want to be going round in circles, reliving your sad story. What new chapter could you write instead? Remind yourself of your own values and give yourself the respect you deserve, remember that you are AMAZING! And a final word of warning, stay off social media, both the stalking type and the scrolling type, literally nothing good will come of either.

Some questions you can ask yourself to reframe how you might be feeling:

  • What stories are you telling yourself about your recent relationship?

  • How can you be more honest with yourself?

  • What do you value and how can you give yourself more of it?

  • What is one good thing about no longer being in that relationship?

If you want extra support navigating the strong emotions you are facing then please get in touch, there is lots of work we can do together to strengthen your resolve and get you moving forwards in a more positive frame of mind.


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