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Thinking You Want Out?

Having managed to hold it together over Christmas, to put on a good show and fuelled by the “New Year, New Me” movement, it’s no wonder January sees the highest number of enquiries to divorce lawyers.  Christmas will have likely amplified existing tensions and something about a determination to not go through another year unhappy or in a relationship no longer serving you, as well as momentum to change, there is always a lot of relationship movement at this time of year.  Already 2 people I know have told me their marriages are over and that’s just in my, relatively small, circle.


I’m all for getting out if that’s what you want but also believe it pays to be cautious and not make too many sudden or drastic moves, without doing a little planning and thinking ahead.  Whatever the reason for the relationship ending, who’s choice it was and the circumstances around it, the decision to leave or end it can’t be taken lightly. It will likely have a profound impact on your life and the lives of others involved.


One thing I’d always suggest is to reflect on your motivations for wanting to leave.  Take the time to understand what is driving your desire for change.  Are there specific issues that can be addressed and resolved?  Are you feeling unfulfilled or disconnected?  By gaining clarity on your motivations, you can better evaluate if leaving is truly the best course of action.  It could be that with some improved communication or couples counselling the issues dominating can be resolved and your energies ploughed into fixing your relationship rather than ending it.  Best case scenario both parties are driven to mend and repair but even if it’s just you giving it your all for one last time, you’ll gain clarity from the effort you put in which can help when the final line is drawn.  You won’t be left wondering if you could have done more or tried harder.


Once you’ve made your decision it’s time to consider the consequences.  These could be emotional, financial or logistical.  What impact will it have on any children, wider family and social connections?  You might not have those answers yet but just thinking about these will help determine next steps, your priorities and the way forward.  What sort of relationship do you have with your soon to be ex, how do you communicate?  Will they be shocked as this has come totally out of the blue or will they be sad like you but acquiesced to your decision?  Are you well supported if the conversation doesn’t go the way you hope?  None of these are reasons not to have that conversation, what you want for yourself is hugely important but they will serve up some things to consider ahead of talking.


Get your support team in place. Who are the people in your life who are going to be best to have in your corner?  It really pays to consider this, you don’t need to be explaining and justifying your choices every step of the way, feeling judged or shamed.  Would you benefit from any legal or financial advice?  That doesn’t mean you plan to lawyer up, just that you are entering this new phase with your eyes wide open and as prepared as you can be.  


Whatever path you choose, know that support is available to help you navigate this challenging journey and create a future filled with opportunity, joy, and purpose.  Working with a coach can help you stay on track, explore your options, manage your emotions and develop a plan for your future.  The shift out from a married unit or family can be all consuming and it is normal to be paralysed by fear of the unknown. 

My best advice is not to let where you are now determine where you want to be in the future.

If you have any further questions or need additional support, feel free to reach out. I'm here to help you every step of the way.


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